Breaking Dawn

The best thing I can say about Breaking Dawn, the fourth and final book in the Twilight series, is that at least now I am done with it.

First of all, Stephenie Meyer is a poor writer. This book starts out narrated by our good buddy Bella, switches to first-person narrative by Jacob the werewolf (or more precisely, the shape shifter), and switches back to first-person now-vampire Bella. Good writing in the first person is rare, and this writing is far from good. Plus, Meyer splits infinitives. She suffers terribly from overuse of the adjective. She really could have used an editor. And she's got a crazy agenda.

You see, I thought all the PG-rated kissing and eye-gazing and cheesy crap was to maximize parentally-sponsored book sales for pre-teen girls. In reality, Meyer is an anti-choice Mormon who doesn't believe in premarital sex. Not even for hot teenage vampire dudes like Edward. In fact, before his and Bella's wedding night, dear sweet Edward talked to his father and brothers about the birds and the bees, since in his hundred years of "life" the issue had never, um, arisen. Then, when Bella gets pregnant with a freaky demon monster who beats the hell out of her from the inside, her blinding love for Edward means an abortion is completely out of the question. Feminist lit this is not.

So Bella has the baby, Edward pseudo-saves her life by transforming her into a vampire, she's able to resist the urge for human blood from the get-go, the pack of werewolves seems to be cool to co-exist with the veggie-vamps... but look out! Here come the old-ass Volturi from the second book, on their way to stamp out the Cullen menace for once and for all. Tension builds, conflict seems imminent... and then it's averted because of Bella's super-power. She, Edward and the half-breed live happily ever, since apparently all our 18-year-old leading lady ever wanted was to be Edward's immortal bride and the mother of his child. How progressive.

Up next: I'm about two-thirds of the way through War and Peace, which is incredible. I'm going to try to focus on finishing that one, rather than having two books going at once.